i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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