i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
