I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
