so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
