oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
