This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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