so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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