I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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