Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
