Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She announced her abortion via fbk
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
