Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
