yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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