That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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