at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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