porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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