I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
