fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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