bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
