at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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