walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They have beer where we have blood.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
