More tranny stories later!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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