I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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