i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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