if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
