I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
