they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
