porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
