I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
