too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
