I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
