im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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