I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
