Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
