the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just want nice things and good sex
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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