I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
