drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
