sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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