apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
