So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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