I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
