apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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