Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
