Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
