Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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