The maid of honor just puked.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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