a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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