I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Did I show you my penis last night?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
