would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im holly from the hills drunk
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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