I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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