my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
