He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
