just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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