Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
