Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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